


Silver Lining

by Ambassador666



Category: Naruto
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Books, Family, Gen, Humor, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Kakashi Needs a Hug, Male Self-Insert, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Orochimaru is an ass, Pre-Canon, Pyromania, Sarcasm, Self-Insert, Spiritual, some - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-12
Packaged: 2018-09-18 02:30:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9361985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ambassador666/pseuds/Ambassador666
Summary: I've always believed that the Universe gives us the right amount of struggles that it believes we can cope with. The Universe must think too highly of me if it believes I can cope with being reincarnated as one Orochimaru's test subjects that shares the same DNA as Hatake Sakumo.





	1. Part I: Drop of Sorrow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Timeline: 10 years before canon
> 
> This chapter is set right after Orochimaru defects.
> 
> Kakashi is fifteen and in anbu.
> 
> Kazuya (my OC/SI) is six years old.
> 
> Naruto is two.

 

 

: : :

" _This burden weighs so heavily_

_when our demons we must carry_

_clinging to this fleeting breath_

_dying for a fighting chance"_

We Carry On, The Phantoms

: : :

Kakashi was really starting to regret not going to the hospital as he stumbled into his apartment, dead on his feet and probably an inch away from chakra exhaustion. His clothes were spotted with red, eyes bloodshot and muscles trembling. There was a dull ache in the back of his head and it was slowly spreading towards the front but Kakashi could barely register it as he staggered across the little room. Sluggishly peeling off the outer layer of his anbu uniform and fumbling with his mask, Kakashi veered towards the bathroom, skin aching for water.

Seconds later sprays from the showerhead crashed over his shoulders, washing away the tense ache under his skin. He leaned back against the tiled wall, letting himself drift under the currents of steaming sprays.

Orochimaru had defected… _and it was his entire fault_.

Guilt, fear and loathing swept through him again and Kakashi could do nothing but sigh. He's made so many mistakes over the years, his father, Obito, Rin, sensei, Kushina, _Naruto_ … and now Orochimaru.

He doesn't know how long he stood under the shower, but the warm water had long since turned cold and his skin was beginning to tinge blue. Mechanically, Kakashi squirted some shampoo in his hands and massaged his hair, trying to get some dirt and grime out of his hair from post battle.

Shutting off the water, he wrapped himself in a clean towel and shuffled over to his bed, not caring for clothes- _he was just so damned tired of everything._

He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

: : :

 _A five-year-old Kakashi dropped to his knees, staring vacantly at his father's dead body sprawled out on the living room floor._ _**Too much blood** _ _. He felt a swelling in his chest._ _**There's too much blood.** _ _A sharp intake of breath._ _**How can a person loose that much blood?** _ _A gut-wrenching wail of agony._

BANG BANG BANG

_A ten-year-old Kakashi ran across the cave, supporting a dazed and terrified Rin, coming up close behind was Obito._

_Suddenly the cave collapsed._

_A series of huge rocks came crashing down around them, clouds of dust stinging his eyes, blurring his vision._ _**He has to save Rin. He has to save Rin. He can't loose another person** _ _. Running unsteadily, Kakashi sped with each stride, his chest heaving. A cry. "_ _**Kakashi** _ _!" and body pushing him aside._ _**Blood. All he could see was blood** _ _._

BANG BANG BANG

" _Kakashi…take care of…Rin…"_

BANG BANG BANG

 _A thirteen-year-old Kakashi stared, breath knocked out of him. His wide eyes disbelieving, mouth agape in horror._ _**Was he in some kind of nightmare?** _ _Rin's blood dripped down his arm, sprayed across his face, coting his trembling hand._ _**Her blood is so warm.** _ _Kakashi stared. Rin stared back…and smiled?... No._ _**Nonononono** _ _._ _**I promised! I promised Obito I would take care of you!** _

KAKASHI-SAN!

 _A fourteen-year-old Kakashi dropped to his knees, staring at his fallen sensei -_ _**his last precious person who he had sworn to protect** _ _\- and giggled. The Third knelt besides him, placing a warm hand on his shoulder. "Kakashi…." His giggles only grew. Wild eyes swept over to Kushina. Her beautiful face spotted with blood, eyes glazed over and unfocused on the crying newborn in her arms. Tears trickled down his cheeks as his giggles shifted into heart-wrenching sobs._

BANG BANG BANG

" _Kakashi you promised."_

" _I'm sorry, Obito. I tried I really tri - "_

" _You_ _ **promised**_ _, Kakashi."_

" _Obito – "_

" _KAKASHI-SAN!"_

He woke up with a start, shooting up on his elbows. Hand snaking under his pillow and fingering a kunai, Jutsu on the tip of his tongue. For a second Kakashi doesn't recognize where he is, but one look at the depressingly bare room and stray anbu armor across the floor had him settled. Sighing, he blinked and breathed heavily, wiping the tears from his eyes.

BANG BANG BANG

"Kakashi-san! Open up you creepy-ass bastard before I break all of your traps and shove my senbon so far up your – " The younger man quickly shut up as the door opened and Kakashi stared him down. Mask already on and one eye lazily closed. He mockingly yawned and scratched the back of his neck. Half-lidded eye sending him a bland look.

"Maa, Daichi-san. A little early to be shouting so loudly, don't you think? You'll wake up half the neighborhood with your yodeling."

Daichi laughs at that, and takes a second to fume silently.

"Early my _cute little ass,_ Kakashi-san. It's ten in the damned morning." Kakashi froze. _Really now?_ His chakra depletion must have really done a number on him if he slept that long. "I have been banging on this door for five. Whole. _Minutes_ because I'm genuinely concerned and terrified of what types of traps you have set up around your apartment. Last time someone tried to bash your door in they were blasted to the other side of the fucking village. Poor girl was hospitalized for an entire week! She now has a phobia of knocking and is actually seeking counseling! _Phobia_. Of _doors_." Daichi sighed deeply, massaging the bridge of his nose and waved a flippant hand at him. "Go. Get changed. The Third Hokage wants to see you. He says it's to do with…Orochimaru…"

The air grew heavy.

 _Great_ , Kakashi thinks grimly, _just great_.

Memories of his fight with Orochimaru were still painfully fresh in his mind. He unconsciously rubbed the bruises that were caused by the Sannin's Kami awful snake. His chest wrenched uncomfortably.

It's his entire fault that Orochimaru got away. A dangerous shinobi with abilities that could wipe out dozens without breaking on the loose?…More people will die and it'll all be his fault. The guilt was heavy, and Kakashi can feel his heart break a little at the thought of more children being on the end of Orochimaru's scalpel.

It's always his fault. He's a curse, bad luck…

Memories of his father flash behind his eyes. He remembers the horror, the blood, the overwhelming guilt that if he had just stayed with him or hugged him or done something _nice_ instead of ignoring – _nonono_ don't think about that don't think about that –

" _Kakashi-san_."

Blinking back into reality, he ignored the way Daichi looked at him in slight worry and let out an obnoxiously loud groan.

"Right, right. Don't get your knickers in a twist _Daichi-chan~_ I'll go get ready like a good little shinobi." He said with a wink.

Daichi's eyebrow twitched. "Don't say my name in such a suggestive way you utter bastard!"

: : :

Kakashi found himself standing in the Hokage's Office and opposite the man himself five minutes later. Daichi had left him upon entering. That had been ten minutes ago.

Ten minutes of nerve-wracking silence.

The Hokage was sitting in his chair, a file open in front of him with one hand and holding his pipe with the other. Occasionally taking puffs of tobacco and filling the room with its scent. It made Kakashi's overly sensitive nose twitch.

By now he could count all the anbu hidden in the room, the number of seals on the walls, roof, floor, windows, desk, and estimate how many hidden Icha Icha are in said desk.

He did this nine minutes and thirty seconds ago, and in those nine minutes and thirty seconds Kakashi could not decide if he was going to leave this room alive or dead.

When the Hokage placed his pipe down and looked at him, Kakashi almost breathed a sigh of relief if it weren't for the fear he could taste at the back of his throat.

Was he about to be told that he was off anbu, that T&I want's a little chat, that -

"How are you Kakashi?"

…What? _How was he?_

"I'm fine, Hokage-sama." _Apart from the fact that last night was the first time in years that I had slept for well over three hours. It only took dangerous low-level chakra exhaustion to do the trick; it's remarkable that I'm still alive. Seems as though Kami isn't done torturing me with my own existence just yet, huzzah._

"Hmm." The Third looked doubtful, but did not question. He's learned not to.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here - "

"No, Hokage-sama. I know." Kakashi took a breath, not caring that he had interrupted the Hokage because to him he was already dead. "This is about me letting Orochimaru escape isn't it?"

The Third looked taken aback for a second before his expression softened.

"It wasn't your fault Kakashi. Orochimaru is a Sannin, one of the most powerful and dangerous Shinobi alive to date. Only Tsunade, Jiraiya or myself could have defeated him. You didn't let him go, if you had let him go you wouldn't have suffered such grave chakra-loss and slept for two days. It's a miracle you're still alive, a miracle indeed."

 _Two days? A miracle he's still alive?_ Kakashi felt his stomach lurch inside him. A big part of him had wished he wasn't alive and Orochimaru had let his snakes finish him off.

"Ah," said the Hokage, reading his blank expression in a way he wanted to. "Daichi didn't tell you how long you slept did he?"

"No, he didn't. If it isn't about me letting…Orochimaru getting past me and defecting, why am I here? I handed in my report before I got home last – two days ago." His brain was still trying to process that he had slept two whole days.

"I'm assuming you know about Orochimaru's illegal laboratories. " Kakashi nodded mutely, wondering what it had to do with him. "Two days ago, we found something - _someone_ who bears a striking resemblance to… _you_."

"I don't understand." Kakashi snapped, a hollow pain knotting in his stomach.

The Third sighed wearily, lines on his face darkening and eyes showing how much he didn't want to believe it as well. It made him look old. It made him look fragile.

"Kakashi," he said, tone filled with thin patience. "We found a child, six years or so old who holds the same...features as you."

"No." The hollowness grew in depth. "Impossible." He finds himself shaking his head. Heart pounding like it was going to burst out of his chest.

"I thought that too." Agreed the Third, face blank and showing no reaction towards Kakashi's ashen face. "But then we tested his blood against yours...and Sakumo-san's..."

His breath hitched. " _No_."

"It was a match, Kakashi. He's your brother."

"No." Kakashi didn't shout, he couldn't. The breath was knocked out of him. "Oh Kami, no. That's _impossible_. It _cannot_ –" The young man stared at the impassive Hokage, eyes widening in disbelief, verging on the edge of hysteria. His legs buckled, . "Please… _Please_ , no. Stop joking. This isn't funny."

"You're right, it isn't. I'm being completely serious Kakashi. I wouldn't joke about something so important with knowing what you've been through. Who you've lost." The Third stood, maneuvering around his desk and kneeling next to the broken man. He laid a warm hand on his shoulder.

Ghost images filled Kakashi's head, position reminding him of the night sensei died.

"He can't be my brother." Kakashi said, his voice distant as numbness settled in. "My Tou-san wasn't even alive eight years ago... it _can't_ be possible _\- not_ possible."

"I understand." Consoled the Third, patting Kakashi on the shoulder. "But given who we're dealing with, a lot of things that we thought impossible became possible." Kakashi felt cold anger explode within him at the thought of Orochimaru messing with his father's DNA. Hadn't his father been through enough already?

There was a moment of silence, and then the question was asked.

"Would you like to see him?"

: : :

 


	2. Part II: Stranger To Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Revised last part of previous chapter.

 

: : :

_"With your last breath we scream my name_

_As I was yours and cracks beneath_

_And fear run down_

_The scars are long_

_There's no more warmth_

_There's nothing for me here."_

Warmth, Koda

: : :

Kakashi could feel his hands shaking as he followed the Third through the hospital. They twisted through corridors, went through procedures, talked to someone who looked important, but when they ended up outside a heavily guarded hospital room with Iryō-nins  coming in and out, Kakashi couldn't remember when they left the Office. He couldn't even remember what his answer was.

" _Do you want to see him?"_

"…"

…Does he?

As if hit with his own chidori, Kakashi felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, sadness and anger that made the knot in his stomach twist uncomfortably. Of course he wanted to see him. He was… _family_?

That didn't feel as reassuring as it should have.

Everyone who was precious to him has died, and some way or another it was his fault. _Everything_ was his fault. If this kid who was related to him got too close…

Kakashi didn't even want to think about it.

He didn't want to think about how the kid grew up in the care of Orochimaru- _shit don't think about it don't think about it don't care don't start caring it'll make leaving him all that worse –_

"Oh!"

Being pulled out of his trance Kakashi's senses came back to him and his eyes focused on the man in a lab coat staring at him like a gaping fish. The man's jaw opened and closed before his eyes settled on the Hokage besides him.

"Is this him?"

Kakashi frowned, turning to the Third in silent question. Not surprisingly he was ignored in favor for the Medic before them.

"He is," the Third confirmed and sent Kakashi a gentle look. "I'll be leaving you in Shouhei's care, if I weren't the Hokage I would stay with you. But alas, I am, so any questions you want to ask me will be answered by him."

Bowing his head, Kakashi didn't wait for the Third to leave before whirling his head to the Doctor. Said man jumped at the sudden movement.

"How am I related to this kid?"

Shouhei blinked. "…What?"

"How am I related to this kid? My Tou-san di-" He faltered for a moment, cursing himself at how fragile he seemed today. "Tou-san was long gone before this kid was even born. I have no other relatives that are alive, I'm the only one. So how are we related?"

The Iryō-nin raised an eyebrow and looked at him in confusion. "…Born?"

 _Is his brain underdeveloped?_ Kakashi narrowed an eye.

"I'm sorry, it seems that you were misinformed." He laughed sheepishly. Kakashi stared, brooding and impatient. "'The kid', you have so affectionately named him, doesn't have an umbilicus. Or as other's call it, a belly button."

That bit of information unsettled Kakashi, making the knot in his stomach twist painfully. _Fate seems to be playing with me today_.

"What does that mean?"

"The kid doesn't have a mother. He wasn't born, he was…well, he was made."

The unsettled feeling reared into disgust. Horror filled him, spreading with disbelief and ice-cold fury. His heart slammed against his ribs. _What had Orochimaru done?_

"I have no _idea_ how he did it." The Iryō-nin continued, completely oblivious to Kakashi's internal turmoil. "It goes against the very fabric of nature. You can't just _create_ a human being, but, well," he snorted bitterly, "that's Orochimaru for yah. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the _how_. My team and I have read through every bit of his research, and it seems Orochimaru himself doesn't know how it happened. All his past tries have been failures but it seems this kid was the miracle worker. Fully functioning organs, high intelligence…and a little sarcastic from what I've read."

"From what you've read?" Kakashi asked weakly, the blood pounding in his ears growing louder Shouhei spoke.

"Yeah," the Iryō-nin sighed, gaze turning to the room where the child lay. "There was an incident when anbu found him. The kid took a nasty blow to the head and hasn't woken up since. We can't do anything but wait for him to wake up. If Tsunade was here though…"

Kakashi held up a hand to stop him. "About the relation between myself and him…"

"Hmm." Shouhei hummed and nodded. "Biologically speaking, you two _are_ related. Just because he wasn't birthed by a mother doesn't mean he isn't a human being. From what I've read in Orochimaru's journals, he's got life. He's got a soul."

Kakashi blinked, stunned. His brow furrowed. "A soul? Orochimaru made a _soul_?"

That made the man laugh. "No," he shook his head, "that's what I meant by that child being a miracle. What Orochimaru didn't factor in when trying to create a person, was that what makes us human is our soul. We can't function without it. It's our intangible heart. _Somehow_ Kami blew life into your Ototo– "

"He's not my out Ototo." He stated weakly, as though convincing himself.

The Iryō-nin paused, staring at Kakashi both in sympathy and confusion. " _Ah_. Then why are you here if you don't acknowledge him as such?"

He couldn't answer that, because frankly speaking he doesn't understand it himself.

"Curiosity."

"Well that's convincing." The Iryō-nin muttered.

Kakashi could do little more than narrow his eye dangerously, ghosts of the people he cherished whispering at the back of his mind.

"So I take it you don't want to see him then. Your _not_ -Ototo?"

Ah, there was the question again. It both excited and terrified him. Of course he wanted to see him. They shared blood, even if it wasn't from a natural source Kakashi could feel him. He was _pack_. He could smell and sense him when they entered the hospital. And besides, he _liked_ the idea of having family again, to have somebody waiting at home for you.

But then, there was the guilt, the worry, the _fear_ of failing him like he did everyone else. He was a curse upon the people he loved. A toy fate played with for its own sick amusement.

…What was he to do though?

Abandon him like Naruto? Leave him to live his life as an orphan? To feel unwanted? Unloved? Like he treated his father- _nonono don't_.

Kakashi stiffened. Shame clogged his throat. This isn't like his father; this is a completely different situation. Then he could see it, the unwanted images of his father playing behind his eyes. Kakashi tried to shove them away only to hear Obito's voice.

" _Kakashi…take care of…Rin…"_

"Shut up." He hissed.

"What?" Shouhei turned to Kakashi, raised eyebrow. "Did you just tell me to – "

"I want to see him." Whether he liked it or not, he was pack. If he ignored the…the kid Pakkun would chew his head off for sure this time. He almost did when he told him about Naruto.

"Are you sure?" The Iryō-nin asked suspiciously.

"Yes." He said. _No_ , he thought, body suddenly trembling without permission.

"Because I had distinct the feeling you were about to abandon him." The man continued. Kakashi almost scowled.

"Maa." He flapped a hand, feeling a smidgen more comfortable hiding behind his lazy persona. "I figured people would have known we were related anyway since I hear we share some familial features. I don't want a kid following me around demanding if we're related or not. It would be troublesome."

The Iryō-nin snorted with a disbelieving look and waved Kakashi inside the hospital room, calling the other Iryō-nins out.

Soon it was just the two of them (aside from the anbu hidden in the room).

Kakashi was rooted to the spot, eyes wide and uncertain. Slowly he walked to the bed, hand outstretched. Wavering with uncertainty before he patted the small head of spiky silver hair. _Just like mine_ , he thought.

His eyes traced the soft features, similar to his own and old pictures of his father. But then they stopped. Suspiciously, Kakashi leaned in to get a better look. Just around the eyes he could spot thin lines.

Thin purple lines around the eyes.

Shaking hands clenched into fists and his sharingan blazed behind his hitai-ate.

" _Orochimaru_."

: : :


	3. Part III: Wearing Thin Now

 

: : :

" _We strike the sky until the sun bows_

_And fly until our feathers burn out_

_All our lives we've been apart_

_A vicious cycle from the start_

_In our struggle to survive we keep the warpath by our side_ "

The Warpath, Connor Youngblood

: : :

" _Orochimaru_."

 _Damn you_ , Kakashi thought, spinning on his heel and stalking out the room. _Toying with Tou-san's blood wasn't good enough for you was it? You had to go and add your own to your perverted-_ _ **messed up**_ _little science project._

"Ah, Hatake-san, done alrea-whoa!" The Iryō-nin wasn't able to finish his sentence as Kakashi snatched a hand in the man's coat and swung him inside. "What are you – !"

" _You lied._ " He hissed, shoving the man towards the cot. "He isn't mine. He's _his_." He felt the presence of the anbu in the room shift uncomfortably at his dangerous tone.

"I'm sorry?" Shouhei asked, eyeing him nervously. Kakashi's jaw clenched. He pointed at the lines around the child's eyes and the Iryō-nin followed his gaze. Shouhei blinked. "That…wasn't there a moment ago."

"And I'm supposed to believe that?" Kakashi scoffed.

"This isn't right." The Iryō-nin muttered in panic, not hearing him. "This isn't right _at all_."

" _Hey_." He snarled, the events of today waning his patience. "Why didn't you tell me Orochi – "

"I'm sorry Hatake-san, but I need to ask you to leave, you understand."

He did not.

Then again, he didn't exactly have a say in the matter when Shouhei started to call in nurses and fellow Iryō-nins, ending with Kakashi being forcefully removed and pacing in the hallway.

The kid has Orochimaru's blood in him. Okay, so, Kakashi can safely state that he is even more disturbed than before. He wasn't expecting this to happen. He didn't need this to happen. This isn't okay. This kid is related to Orochimaru!...and his Tou-san.

Involuntarily, he shivered, staring at the room the kid was still sleeping in. _I really didn't need this today_.

What would sensei do?

 _He'd take the kid under his wing._ The thought didn't ease him the slightest. He began to quicken his pace. _Okay, so I was going to take the kid in. But…The kid is Orochimaru's_ , he thought with deep seeded resentment. He paused. _The Third would understand me not taking the kid._

Kakashi shook his head.

 _No, no he wouldn't let that happen. Besides, he smells like pack, and people would recognize the kid having my type of hair,_ he reasoned.

_Then again he's Orochimaru's, Poison runs in his veins. Pack or no._

Kakashi swerved harshly.

 _But he has Tou-sans blood in him!_ He stopped _...Tou-san's blood…_ A bitter laugh escaped him. _And that's supposed to make it okay? The whole thing wasn't even consented!_

It was a frightening thought.

_Kakashi…take care of…Rin…_

He closed his eyes and focused on breathing. Trying to ignore the feeling of guilt that began to well up.

It didn't work.

_Even if I did take the kid in, I don't know how to care for a child. I don't even know how to care for myself. And the kid's probably traumatized from being in Orochimaru's loving care. He was probably experimented on more…than Tenzo…_

Kakashi winced as he felt his heart twinge. Orochimaru wouldn't care if the child shared his DNA, he'd experiment on him without a seconds hesitation.

Unconsciously he began to pace again. Rubbing at his face.

Is he beginning to care? He wasn't quite sure.

Then suddenly, he heard screaming.

: : :

On the night before Christmas, I died.

So, understandably, it was a shock waking up with a new set of choppy memories in Japanese, even more so with strangers leaning over me. So really, understandably, I screamed.

: : :


	4. Part IV: Tyger Tyger, Burning Bright

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> School is starting soon (oh Gods help me) so I believe I won't have much time to write. But I did have fun with this chapter, I've been excited to introduce you to my OC/SI for a while now.
> 
> It's 1am right now so please be nice with the comments!
> 
> NOTICE: I've changed my OC's age to six years old.

 

: : :

" _I learned to stand,_

_You learned to fall harder_

_So take my hand_

_I'll take you much farther_

_There's a light out in the dark_

_So take my hand_ "

Hands, Koda

: : :

When I was young I wanted to be a fireman.

It began with the fascination I had of fire (I try not to use the word obsession). Fire was brief; it consumes, and then disappears. The only trace of existence it leaves behind was ash. Fire does not create, it destroys, to fire, everything must be destroyed for it to exist. The whole concept of fire went against everything my parents taught me. Went against human morals.

That must have been why I was so fascinated by it.

It only took me burning down the family tree house for my parents to send me to a therapist. Apparently a five year old with pyromaniac tendencies was a cause for concern.

My fascination only grew when a fireman came to visit our school. To young me, meeting a man who battled fire as a job sounded like a dream.

When I got home and proudly declared to mum and dad that I would become a fireman, they were conflicted. After the fiasco at Club Scouts it was understandable (it was the only place I could find where adults taught little children how to light things on fire. I got a little handsy one time with the matches and accidentally singed my friend's eyebrows).

It took me years to prove to my family and the Government that I was mentally stable to lead a career as a firefighter. It took frequent meetings with my therapist and school counselor to demonstrate my soundness of mind. By the time I graduated, the fruits of my labor proved efficient. I was cleared to peruse my dream job.

Then I died.

Ironically, by a fire of all things.

It was Christmas Eve, close to midnight and I couldn't sleep. I was eighteen and anxious about the future, my worries spurred from rational to irrational. It was plausible that the committee of firefighters would be hesitant to recruit someone with a background of psychological problems dealing with fire. To be a firefighter you have to be calm when under duress. Would they accept me? Would everything I have done be for nothing?

I couldn't lie still in bed worrying about it.

Whenever I had an insomniac night, I ran. The neighborhood I lived in was small and well lit (not that I needed light, I ran this path since I was a teenager - new it off the back of my hand) and I was fast enough to outrun a mugger.

It's here where the memory of my death becomes…jagged.

I remember going into the local gas station, I remember the sound of the doorbell's ding, the price of the water bottle – one dollar, the name of the man serving me –Kevin, and the time. I remember looking at the old square tv nestled on the counter top showing late night news. The time was 11: 59, almost Christmas. I remember smiling.

When the sound of a car pulling up with a rusty break, everything becomes a jungle of noises, images and feelings cascading together. There's, an explosion from my right, a blinding light, glass shattering everywhere and the room engulfed in flames. I fly backwards, not understanding what's happening, only that the fire is eating me alive. I feel brighter, hotter, calmer than I've ever been before.

Then there's nothing.

Darkness.

 _So much_ – no, wait. There's light. It's there, just ahead of me. A soft glow. I somehow move towards it, I'm not walking, not floating, just am.

Is this the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel? Am I dead? I…I don't know. I shouldn't be dead. I had so many things to do, to prove, to experience. I wanted to give my little sister her Barbie doll for Christmas and see her face light up. I wanted to have my first beer with dad. I wanted to tell my mum how much I love her and how thankful I am for her support. I wanted to…I wanted to…

On the night before Christmas I died.

Then I woke up.

I open my eyes, and saw strangers are looming over me.

A scream came first. It was a broken sound, spilling into the room like nails on a chalkboard.

Confusion came second.

On instinct I lurched up to defend myself. Almost instantly my scream was quickly drawn into a cry and gasp. My head was filling with unwanted images and sounds, all filtering around a man with yellow eyes. _Yellow eyes?_ And was that Japanese? A hand was placed on my shoulder.

It happened all too rapidly, so suddenly and unexpectedly that my brain had no time to process what I was doing.

I could only react.

_Instinct. Follow your instinct._

My legs wrapped themselves around the unknown person's arm and _twisted_. I looked up at my assailant and saw the man's eyes nearly burst out of their sockets. The wounded man screamed, falling to his knees. I had no time to think - _oh_ _ **Christ**_ _did I just break his arm?_ \- only react.

Another person came from my left, reaching out to hold me down. I slapped the hands away with quick precision and rammed my palm into the man's throat. The man chocked and recoiled, crashing against another body behind him. Without wasting time or comprehension of my actions, I rolled down the bed ( _I didn't know how I got on – where am I?_ ) and kicked the person standing on the other side of the bed in the stomach.

I didn't know what I was doing.

When the man doubled over, I saw the exit behind him. _Freedom_. Using his position to my advantage, I leapt on the man's back and catapulted myself towards the door.

_Follow your instincts._

Landing in a graceful crouch I swept another person off their feet, causing them to crash to the ground. There was a snap. _God how many of them are there?_ Hearing another one come up from behind, I pivoted, left foot crashing into their ribs. I heard a crack and guttural wail. I was too busy trying to keep my eyes focused to care.

_Exit. Exit._

I sprinted, panting from sudden exhaustion. All of this happened in ten seconds. I barely passed the threshold when a chest suddenly appeared. I slammed into it. Wait, chest? But I'm six foot...

I looked up, paling. And just like that, my insane reverie was broken.

I was… _small_?

"Well, that went as about well as I expected." A strained voice said from behind them. I numbly turned, only vaguely aware that the man I had bumped into was holding me in place and people decked in armor and animal masks were surrounding the room. Like soldiers. _Military?_ I thought. The man who I had chocked was swaying his way over, massaging his throat as other people in identical white coats were helping each other up. "Glad to see you're awake."

I blinked, still trying to catch my breath and comprehend.

"Ah, you're probably confused." He continued sheepishly, acting as though I hadn't just chocked him without thinking.

 _What type of psychotic instinct was that?_ I thought numbly.

I swallowed nervously. "Where am I?"

: : :

Kakashi was standing in the hallway, gaze distance and preoccupied in thought. Besides him were the Third, Shouhei, and Inoichi.

"He has amnesia." He echoed, the group collectively paused, and apparently he was supposed to be listening.

"Yes." Inoichi conceded.

"How?"

"If you were listening – "

"How?" He asked. "Did something happen when he was captured by anbu?"

The word 'captured' didn't get a reaction, that was all Kakashi needed. The young man took a slow, deep breath, and turned his cold gaze to them.

"He was trained by Orochimaru."

The Third didn't falter once. "We think so."

"And you didn't tell me." Kakashi stewed. "Why?"

"That's my fault." Inoichi admitted shamelessly. "I assumed that you wouldn't have gone in the room. Therefore you wouldn't have been his legal guardian, so all classified information on him wouldn't have been explained to you in thorough detail. We just have you a speck of knowledge on the boy."

Kakashi turned his uncomprehending gaze to the man, a hollowness knotting in his stomach. "You think I'd abandon him?" Tone disbelieving.

"You did the same not too long ago." Inoichi said, staring at him curiously. Ignoring the way Kakashi's mask faltered, revealing a hint of a pained scowl. "So why not him?"

"I don't need to explain myself to you." Hissed Kakashi, turning his head to the Shouhei. "How does he have amnesia?"

The man coughed timidly. "Ah, erm, when anbu moved into the lab there was a struggle, and the boy received a blow to the head. Knocking him into a coma." Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"And _why_ , was there a struggle?" He drawled, knowing he was getting the short of the stick.

"Before we tell you everything, we need to know." Started Inoichi. "Do you agree to be his legal guardian?"

Kakashi took a breath. "I have no choice. He's pack."

"So is that a yes?" Asked the Third, eyes twinkling. He wanted to hit the man.

"Yes." He snarled, turning back to a less nervous Shouhei.

"The boy was trained by Orochimaru, why? We don't know yet. We're assuming the boy was more than a successful science experiment, maybe his own personal soldier. Nothing conclusive yet, since when Anbu moved into the lab, the boy was burning his journals. We only just managed to scrounge up enough to know enough about how the boy came to be."

"You already explained that part to me." Said Kakashi, hands folded across his chest, his mind taking everything in.

"Ah," the Iryō-nin smiled, "not everything."

The young man wilted. "There's more?"

"There's a reason why the boy doesn't have a belly button."

Kakashi frowned. "I admit, that did strike me as odd." Even clones have belly buttons; it's their source of nutrition when in the womb. "But the kid's not a clone."

"That he's not." Nodded Shouhei. "He's a product of two separate genomes. Remarkable really. All we know right now is that he was born and bred in a tank of some sort that was an artificial womb. Orochimaru invented fluid that would provide oxygen, and nourishment for the egg placed inside it. There was no need for a natural mother, resulting in no umbilical cord. Remarkable. Despite all the faults Orochimaru has made, there's no mistaking that man's genius."

"Shouhei." Clipped the Third, giving him a stare that looked habitual in it's exasperation.

The Iryō-nin flushed. "Yes, ahem, well, that's what you didn't know. Moving on," he babbled, "when the boy was hit and sent into a coma, we didn't know what to expect when he awoke. It was clear from the way he attacked the anbu in the lab that he was working for Orochimaru, be it his own loyalty to the man who gave him life or Stockholm Syndrome, what we got was more…well…"

"Troubling." Finished Inoichi. Kakashi couldn't fight off a scowl. "Amnesia can be seen as a blessing or a curse. It's excellent that he can't remember what Orochimaru did to him, and there's a small part of me hopes that it'll stay that way because judging from the scars on his body he didn't live a cushioned life in that lab."

"And it's a curse because…?"

The Third answered this, his eyes old and tired. "We need to know more about what Orochimaru was doing all these years, and if the child knows what he's planning in the future. The child lived in that lab with Orochimaru for six years. He must know something that would be of value to Konoha's safety."

"Like spies he might have planted." Kakashi nodded in understanding.

"Like that." Said the Third and sighed. "But if these memories do come back, I'm afraid the boy will handed over to T&I for questioning and Inoichi will have to delve into his mind."

Kakashi drew a breath and clenched his fists. He drops his gaze and runs a hand through his spiky hair. "I know." Dammit, why was he reacting this way? He doesn't even know the kid!

 _But he's pack._ A voice said. Three words was all it took to harden Kakashi's damaged soul.

And as the Alpha it was his job to look after the cubs. He will not fail the boy like he did with his other precious people.

"Then we'll make sure he doesn't recover those memories." Kakashi stated, eyes hard. Inoichi watched him closely, the young man returned his gaze. "You can make sure of that right?"

The Yamanaka smiled humorlessly. "I can. Sealing those memories away isn't hard, but why would I? Like Hokage-sama said, the kid could have imperative knowledge."

"You could seal them after bringing them back." He said steadily.

Inoichi's smile turned forlorn. "That amount of mental strain on a young child is damaging." He snorted. "Hell, going into his mind in the first place would cause him strain. I can't just unlock his memories, get the information and seal them away easy-peasy." Taking a breath, Inoichi gave him a heavy stare. "It's possible when releasing the dormant memories, it will cause irreparable psychological damage. Right now that boy lying in the next room, isn't the psychotic kid anbu faced off in Orochimaru's lab. He's a scared, confused child who doesn't remember the past six years of his life. The clash of personalities is… irreparable." Kakashi slumped. "Nothing good will come of opening that can of worms. Let alone try to seal them away again."

Kakashi frowned, "what you said just went against your previous statement on letting the kid gain his memories."

Inoichi stared at him. Eyes suddenly old and tired. "What I said goes against what _you_ were planning, him gaining his memories back would be bad for _you_. Not for the village or me. I'm sorry Kakashi-san, but if I had to choose between you wanting a family, over the kid loosing his mind to gain valuable knowledge on a dangerous missing-nin …I'd pick the later."

A sinking feeling like lead made it's way to Kakashi's stomach. He understood, always pick Konoha. That's what they've been taught since entering the Academy. Konoha first, family second.

But right now, for the first time in ages, Kakashi felt hope. Hope for feeling something other than guilt, depression, and fear every morning he woke up. It was selfish.

And to Kakashi's shock, he didn't give a damn.

He scowled. "I won't allow it."

There was a collective pause. None of them expecting that answer.

The Third sighed. "Kakashi – "

"No." He said. Overlooking the way Inoichi sent him a nervous look. "Like you said, Inoichi-san, if you open up those dormant memories the personality clash would be irreparable. He might not even be sane, correct?" A light appeared in the blonde's eyes, an understanding of what he was trying to do. Inoichi nodded, eyes soft.

"Correct."

"Then why would you take anything he says as the truth? His mind would be scattered, what he thinks and what he knows could very well be a fiction his insanity has created." He was bullshitting to the highest degree. "Correct?"

Inoichi smirked and turned to the Third. "That's a very plausible outcome, Hokage-sama."

The old man sighed. "So it seems."

There was silence.

"Hatake Kakashi I am assigning you a mission," the young man stood attention at the formal tone. "You are to guard and watch over that child, and if he gives any indication of regaining his memory, or being a threat to the village, are to bring him to T&I immediately. Do you accept?"

Kakashi smothered a smirk and dropped to one knee. Bowing his head. "I accept the mission, Hokage-sama."

The Third sighed in exasperation. "Do not make me regret this decision, Hatake." Kakashi eye-smiled up at him obnoxiously. "The council will eat me alive." As he turned to leave he called over his shoulder, "and do give the child a name."

Kakashi blinked. "…Ah."

Shouhei sent him an odd look. Disbelieving. " _Seriously_?"

: : :


	5. Part V: And We Stand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: My SI cannot remember everything. Only snippets of his time with Orochimaru. Nothing major or big.

: : :

" _It gets bad_

_But the hardest part was waking you up again_

_Don't you wanna know_

_Where the end of science begins_

_But there's these infinite possibilities lost stars black holes_

_All a symphony unexplored_

_But you're just so sure you got it figured out_ "

New Machines, Vinyl Theatre

: : :

The only sounds in the room are the soft ticking's of a clock and the faint drips of leaking tap.

I stare blankly at the bathroom mirror hanging loosely over the sink. It's a small mirror, cheap and lightly scratched on the ends, but the reflection is as clear as day.

For a second I wish it wasn't, as the person staring back at me is no older than five.

I'm eighteen. My head drummed.

This person isn't me.

_But it is._

No… _No I remember._ I remember my birthday. It's October…. October 10? _20_? Or…or was it in September? I can't…Trying to recall the memories was like holding sand. The more I grip the quicker it falls. There's a ringing in my ears as I strain myself to remember. I can't. It's there but covered by a thick layer of fog.

I shivered, gripping the edge of the sink in fear.

This isn't me.

_But it is._

It is. I don't know how, but it is. It doesn't feel wrong. I can move, I can talk, I can think. This is me…but at the same time it isn't. It feels like I woke up from a long nap.

Blinking, I rubbed my eyes from the inadequate light of the hospital bathroom, headache worsening. Just as my hand touches my eyelid, something in the reflection stood out. I paused, leaning in further to investigate.

Was that - do I have _tattoos_? Around my _eyes_?! _The heck?_

Oh, no wait…wait I know - I recognize th -

And just like that, I remembered something horrible.

I shake my head – and son of a bitch _owwww_ – and reach out to the mirror. Tracing the purple around my eyes. Expression of disbelief, fear, bewilderment and denial.

From the unremembered memories, names and faces came. Floating up from the fog. The manga. Naruto. Sasuke. Orochimaru. Kakashi. Tenzo. Blood. _Failed child experimentsoh God why did he make me_ _-_

_\- There's a clash of metal as I block a blow. Blood runs down my back and I shake, feeling sick. Metal screeches as I falter under the brute strength of the other child. From the corner of my eye I see my Master's eyebrow rise up in disapproval. With a low growl, I shove the offender away. Dropping to a crouch and bouncing forwards with a 'whoosh', kunai slicing against my opponent's kneecap._

_There's a surprised cry and I pivot, slamming the heel of my foot against the wound at an odd angle._

_Crack_

_Within a second the opponent is on the ground, I jump at the chance. With a graceful pounce, I'm on top of her now struggling disarmed form. Placing the kunai between my teeth, I pin her arms to the ground and look up at my Master for approval._

_There's a glint in those serpentine yellow eyes and my chest swells with pride_

" _No! No - Orochimaru-sama please I – I'll be good! I can do better please – "_

I stumble backwards from the powerful memory, gasping loudly and struggling to breathe. _Nonono_. Did I kill her? No. _No_ I wouldn't have. Right?

I blinked, shaking.

_I'm lying down on a cold slab, resisting the urge to curl into a ball as my Master raises a scalpel._

A large part of my brain shut off.

…I'm one of Orochimaru's experiments?

 _Like Tenzo,_ my past memory supplied.

I looked up at the mirror. Hyperventilating. Head beating against my skull.

Staring at my reflection of the person I am, I felt sick.

This person has no name. No name. I have no name.

Orochimaru never gave me a name…

Ha, what an asshole. A hysterical giggle bubbled its way out of my throat. This was all very very unsettling.

I'm pre-pubescent, Orochimaru's lab experiment, and…I winced at my reflection, idle hand absently patting my head of hair. There's only one character in the manga with that kind of hairstyle.

I'm….related to… _Kakashi_ …?

Ha. _No_.

I have a fami – _my family_. My family thinks I'm dead. Ha. Technically, I am. Technically, I'm in another plane of existence. Another dimension.

Without my family.

 _Nonononono_. My heart thundered. There was a _snap_ , and the sink caved under my grip.

Too much.

This was all _way_ too much. I was in a world where children kill other children on behalf of sociopathic old men. There are wars every three or four generations. Murder. Assassination. Espionage. This world…this world is chaotic and evil. It's _wrong_.

And I'm in it.

Why? Why am I _here_?

_Jesus Christ,_ _**why** _ _!_

_CRACK_

Within a blink there was pain spreading in my knuckles and a hand encasing my wrist. Whipping around, a man (or woman?) deked out in armor with their face covered by a white bird mask loomed over me. Radiating disapproval.

Instinctively, I tried to back away, but the steel grip he had on my wrist didn't let me get very far. At most I got a good half-a-step away from the…assassin.

Assassin.

_Oh Christ._

The thought chilled me. I've never met a murderer before, and right now I was pressed up against one. Ha.

"A-ano…why…?" The opposing mask tilted towards my hand. Creepy bastard.

Cautiously turning away to make sure he wasn't about to snap my neck or anything, I caught sight of my hand and blinked.

Ah…I punched the mirror.

"Oh.. _._ " I said, mortified. _What an overreaction_.

 _Pfft_.

Overreaction? I just found out I'm in a different universe and related to a guy with more demons than the exorcist. I think that was a pretty tame reaction all things considered.

…

Wait. What timeline am I in?

: : :

In his apartment bedroom, Kakashi stared at the pug nervously.

"You just told me Orochimaru created a child with Sakumo-san's and his own DNA, raised the kid to be some kind of personal soldier and lab rat, then tell me you've adopted him…and continue to ask me what to name the pup?" Pakkun asked. Bewildered.

Kakashi nodded gravely. "Hai."

"…Is the pup even sane?"

"Don't know. Don't think so. Probably. Why?"

Pakkun gave him an odd look then dispelled himself with a huff. Kakashi was left gaping at the white cloud. Disheartened.

"Ahh, why is he so temperamental lately?" Scratching at his masked chin, the shinobi looked around his small bedroom apartment with a pout. This place certainly wasn't big enough to fit two people in.

With that his thoughts trailed to having to buy an extra bed, clothing, food –ah. Ration bars probably aren't good for children to live on.

Horrifically, Kakashi remembered he couldn't cook for the life of him.

Grudgingly he admitted, "I need help."

: : :

After locating the pair in mind at a teashop, and explaining his situation while evading details a certain child, Kakashi sat sipping his tea (which boggled everyone's minds since he had a mask on).

Asuma's fingers twitched around his cigarette while Kurenai checked for a genjutsu.

"You've finally lost it, haven't you Hatake?" Asuma mumbled, eyeing Kakashi with pity.

Kakashi resisted the urge to scoff. "Nope."

"In that case I'm probably dreaming."

"Maa, you dream of me?" Kakashi asked cheekily, lone eye fluttering. The man sitting opposite him suddenly looked ill. Kurenai giggled and smiled winningly at Kakashi. Ahh, he has someone on his side.

"I'm glad you're finally eating some real food instead of those ration bars you're overly fond of, Kakashi-san." Asuma gave Kurenai a betrayed look. "Don't give me that!" She wacked him on the back of the head in a way that Kakashi felt it. "He never asks for help, so I'm gonna take this chance while I have it."

Begrudgingly Asuma nodded, all the while rubbing the back of his bruising head. "It is good blackmail material. Heh, Hatake asking someone to teach him how to cook." He gave Kakashi a wry grin. "How old are you, twenty? You should know how to cook."

Kakashi gave him an unamused glare. "I'm fifteen."

The pair give him an equal look of shocked horror. "EH!?"

He wilted like a dying flower. "I don't look _that_ old." _Do I?_

"It's the hair." Kurenai decided with the slap of her hands, pointing accusingly at Kakashi who wilted some more.

"You're _fifteen_?" Asuma echoed, staring at the teenager in a mixed expression of horror, pity and bewilderment. "But that makes you younger than us."

"So?" Kakashi huffed defensively, suddenly feeling very naked under the pair's penetrating gaze and anger he could feel in their chakra.

"You're in anbu, aren't you?" Stated Kurenai, humor forgotten and now filled with a deep sadness. At his nod, she scoffed. Gesturing to her non-boyfriend and self. "We're still Chunin."

Kakashi didn't know what got them so peeved. "I know." He said, as if talking to a child.

"Can't believe Tou-san allowed a child into that death trap." Muttered Asuma bitterly, and before anyone could say anything else he pulled a bright smile. "Alright, we'll help you with your little endeavor. On one condition though..." he paused dramatically and Kakashi felt a foreboding chill down his spine at the manic grin passing over he older teen's face. "You call me Senpai."

"Hell no."

"Oh, come on!"

: : :


End file.
